Have you had a time in your walk; you know in your heart that you’re where GOD has called you to be, but you’re just flat tired? And you can’t put your finger on exactly what has you so tired…is it physically, mentally, spiritually….all of the above…
I’ve been there for a season and it’s flat exhausting! I’m just plain overwhelmed with life, don’t want to “adult” anymore and contemplating what to do next…whether to run away…take an extra long vacation…or just lay on the floor and have a temper tantrum like a bad little kid.
I am still in the Word, talking with GOD in prayer (at times a constant prayer in my head) and plugged into community.
There are just times that I feel like I’m going through the motions. When I am really calling out to HIM, and I think that my prayers are only reaching the ceiling.
Times where my To Do list is longer than the hours in the day and there’s no escape hatch.
When I feel like even a 2-hour nap wouldn’t be enough rest to even make a dent.
I was in that place for a while and didn’t want to admit it. I’m finally at a point that I can share it without feeling like I’m out there all by myself; like a woman on an island or just a bad person. I did a pretty good job of putting on a good face around others, but inside I wasn’t doing so well….
I felt like if I said anything about it, I’d be a “ministry failure”. We’re supposed to be the light of Christ in all that we do. But I felt like my light was on a dimmer switch; it was stuck on 10% and wouldn’t go any higher.
Then, we started a series at church called Chasing Slow. It’s about being intentional in our relationship with GOD. My take-away is that I can schedule the rest of my chaotic life; why am I not as intentional in spending time with HIM?
And we are covering the same topic in Women’s Study – Present Over Perfect. Just the title alone was enough to bring me to my knees in repentance.
I’m changing my prayer life to reflect them both. As I started the change I felt that I was off on the wrong foot from the beginning, because we were challenged to schedule Chair Time first thing in the morning.
I am not a Morning Person. It takes me a while to become fully human and operational (caffeine is a big help LOL). I really took it hard that I couldn’t get myself to a physical chair to make this happen. But, we have Christian radio playing in our bedroom; so when I wake up, I listen to the songs that are playing. I reflect on the words; give thanks to GOD for waking me up, ask HIM to give me what I need for the day so I can to glorify HIM.
My next step was that I got a Day Timer and wrote out my schedule. This is a big step for me – you know how much I love my digital calendar and reminders. But there’s something about putting it in writing that makes you take inventory and identify the mess that I call a day. I realized that with everything I wrote down, the time that’s open is my lunchtime.
When I was sharing my thoughts with a dear friend, she mentioned taking a few minutes in my car during the day to just be quiet with the LORD. And that was confirmation that I’m on the right path.
I had scheduled working out during that time but let it go over the Winter since it’s been so frigid. (I’m not getting sick again…going out in the cold, go to the gym, getting sweaty, showering and going back out in the cold…umm, NO!) I noticed that I grab lunch and look at Facebook or Pinterest, when I could be spending it with HIM.
I’ve done my Bible Study homework on my breaks too, but was either distracted by something (super easy for me, by the way) or didn’t feel like I was giving it my all. Just using it to check off the box that I’d gotten it finished.
Since I’ve really been dedicated to it, I’ve been able to spend about 20 minutes of quiet time; lately it’s been rudely interrupted by fits of coughing (getting over another round of Winter crud). It’s very special and comforting; no music, muted my phone and just quiet…thinking about HIS blessings and provision. Reflecting on a verse that has been on my heart for some time now…
