Well, I bet that you’ve been wondering where I’ve been…
I have heard the familiar words that the Enemy has been stirring inside me, again…and I’ve been listening…again…
You have no worth.
Who would read this anyway?
Why bother?
Who cares?
But NO MORE!!!
Freedom comes when you can admit that you’ve been struggling. And I have…A LOT!
And I’ve done what all the books, websites and mentors have told me – pray; ask GOD to reveal what’s going on and ask HIM to release me; take it to HIM; let HIM know exactly what’s on my heart.
I’ve had my quiet time, praying, journaling, worshipping; but I have been my own worst enemy. I was thinking that I could continue to do this on my own. I realized that I have been going through the spiritual motions when it comes to my writing and letting those dreaded emotions stand in my way.
Emotions can be a blessing; that good cry to clear out the junk of the day that makes you feel better…a caring heart that helps you empathize with a friend going through a rough time…
They’re bad when you sit and have a nice pity party for yourself…or struggle to see the joy in good situations….
But now I’m angry – with myself…
For listening to all the negative junk…
For not leaning into GOD harder…
For not seeing it sooner…
For continuing the pity party in my head…
HIS mercy is so much better…and I have to forgive myself like I would anyone else that has come against me.
Forgiving yourself is one of the best tools that you can have in your spiritual arsenal. It may be hourly, or daily for a season – and it is not easy. But in the long run, it’s worth it.
I am in no way perfect; but I serve a perfect GOD. I know for sure that HE loves me, in spite of myself and my flaws. And HE loves you, too – more that you can ever know.
